He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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