i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
