highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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