tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize