Just fell off a train. Bad.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize