everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
