when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
