So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Who died my cat blue again?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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