Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
