Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
