Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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