I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
