I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
