she looked like the before picture.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
