I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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