Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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