If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
