i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.