I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE