Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?