Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420