whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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