It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
