this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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