some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
