Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
