The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I could make wine with my vomit
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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