My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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