what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
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You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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