Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
