I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
