Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
