the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
