You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want her autograph on my taint
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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