$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Your dad touched me again.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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