every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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