Do you still have your period?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
