thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He has the fingertips of a God
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