I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
