Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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