The best revenge is premature balding
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
