Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i think i just lost a toe
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
