We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
