8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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