The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
