I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
