apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
