Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
