Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
