hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
