literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
