You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
