Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
