the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
