I must be too annoying 4 u.
She's JV to your varsity
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
