I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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