just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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