So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
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I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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