I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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