Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
