dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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